Testify

Pinal County Animal Control called me today to confirm me for court next week. I have the pleasure of being witness/victim of a dog attack, and now I get to testify against my neighbor at their sentencing.

My counselor diagnosed me with PTSD from the attack. My physical injury to my arm is mostly healed, I have a small scar from the bite and some residual pain. I believe it’s still healing.

I don’t want to go to court. I’m dreading it. I don’t want to hear the judges decision on whether or not the dog will be euthanized. I simply want to know I can safely walk my dogs on my street again.

Since the attack, I’ve had moments where I was in tears hearing dogs bark. Or times where I rushed my dogs home or to another route, attempting to avoid other dogs or people.

The PTSD is very real and it has impacted me.

I’m grateful my two dogs weren’t injured, the dog was going after them when he got me. I’m also grateful I didn’t trip as I was trying to run away, who knows what the outcome would have been if I had.

I’m also grateful the bite wasn’t worse.

Being a victim is hard. The word “victim” has been used negatively lately, “don’t be a victim.” But I am a victim, I was attacked while walking my dogs. That’s the very definition of a victim. It almost feels like I should be ashamed of it, I’m not.

This situation forced me to hire a lawyer to manage the claim against the dog owners. Most people don’t know this about me, I was permanently injured donating blood back in 2014. It happens to me the same arm.

During my recovery and lawsuit, I had to endure very stressful depositions and mediation meetings. I had my lawyer there with me, but I was otherwise alone. I’m reminded now of how hard that experience was, how abandoned and alone I felt, and how reminiscent this is.

I wish I didn’t have to do this alone. I wish I had someone to hug me and support me. I have never had that, I have no idea what it’s like. I will muster my courage and show up to court next week, do my best to recount the events, and go on with my day. That’s all I can do. That’s all I ever do. Just go on.